Saturday, December 20, 2008

Risk

“Risk your life and get more than your ever dreamed of. Play it safe and you have nothing to show for it.” inspired by Luke 19…


     I must say Risk is way different than taking chances…Taking chances in a life that you claim as your own is risky but not in courageous sort of way.  It is kind of like jumping into an abyss and knowing you were forced off the edge.  There is no willingness to it.  I have felt lost in certain romantic relationships due to this mindset. This “what is there to catch me?” feeling is wondering if everything will be ok- scary!  I think there is trust when you take a risk for example, trusting arms that will hold me on a trapeze.  

     I am very thankful for my community around me and have even had some healing “family” times with people I have met recently.  It is amazing how God can connect people who do not have big families (or functional).  I am also glad for blogs which I unfortunately don’t have any readers yet apparently.  

Certain things I am excited about:

~Christmas (duh)
~going to see a friend act in “Its a Wonderful Life” (favorite Christmas movie)
~seeing Christmas lights with the Barron family
~eating more See’s candy
~spending time with my cousin and dad in the city even if it is just being with them while they are talking about artsy movie production stuff
~getting dental coverage (yay teeth!)

thankful too…

for the bible, shelter, food, a job, friends…

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Beth





  
Posted by Breath in 07:16:54 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Does anyone read me?

If so I guess you really don’t need to let me know, it would just be nice.  

     In response to this question:  ”Child, what will you live to do?  What have I made for you?  What will you leave behind?”  good question…not sure if I am there yet…I would like to answer this question from God though…so here is to answering those questions…those difficult, challenging questions that make you have to change, or to do something.

     Reflections from the movie:  Call + Response 

     I am so glad that I saw my friend Kim online and instant messeged her and asked her what she was doing.  She and I went and saw C + R and found ourselves in a theater of youth groups, one person wearing an invisible children sweatshirt.  Kim was preparing to cry, and I just wanted to see the musical expression of the traumatic issue of sex traffiking.  I was very informed of the way that life in generaly can be a process of calling and responding to God with what is going on in the world.  To put it from the website:  

Music is part of the movement against human slavery. Dr. Cornel West connects the music of the American slave fields to the popular music we listen to today, and offers this connection as a rallying cry for the modern abolitionist movement currently brewing.  

I am used to hearing about the issues of the world and feeling the despair of it.  This was a very proactive approach to the issue of sex traffiking: through song.  Not only was there song or music as a response, but a root pulled consumeristic blow to our worlds about how we buy sweat shopped items, such as clothes, etc.  Talk about a revelation!  I mean what are we buying, what do we wear, what do we use?  Crazy thoughts.  

Good very well be the downfall of a nation…

or maybe a less dramatic wording yet still truthful, “the cost of community” as my pastor would say.  Kim and I were discussing what someone else said in the movie (Ashley Judd): “I don’t want to be wearing somebody else’s tragedy.  I don’t to wear someone else’s despair.”  How God can we live this life with this need?  Do we just cut out all that is made from a slave movement?  Let alone the research involved.  It really isn’t something we can do alone.  I know that I have already made significant cuts out of buying clothing from places such as The Gap, H & M, even Ross, etc.  To do without…and to suport thrift store shopping, finding places with logos such as 
  or 
just thoughts…
goodbye for now
Beth

  
Posted by Breath in 04:17:20 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, June 16, 2008

A Poem for today

Here is a poem my friend read to me today and it was very enlightening and I wanted to share it.  Here is a photo of California in Spring…

 


Max Erhmann
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. 

 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

 

 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

 

 

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass. 

 

 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself. 

 

 

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

 

 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 

 

 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 

 

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Posted by Breath in 01:39:54 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hi Everyone! 

     Just thought I would say hello.  Movies I have seen recently…Glory Road, P.S. I love you, and The Documentary of Andy Goldsworthy.  Life is good.  Drop a line if you want! 
     I need a nap.  Today has been pretty eventful.  I have been to Heritge Day at Borges Ranch with my dad today for a little celebration of Father’s Day tomorrow.  It was fun!  They had a 4-H club sheering a sheep, silent movies complete with slow motion scenes of a man doing rope tricks and an old house that was built in the early 1900’s and had all of the old antique packaging and other stuff from that time period.  Awesome! I am completely mystified that my seniors didn’t want to come.  Oh, well.  I decided that I may need to give alternate outings.  Only problem is that I am creating more work for myself if they dont want a particular trip.  I am learning that I can’t please everyone, even your sweet grandmother…
     I hope that people are doing well, staying out of this heat, and still enjoying the sunshine and getting outdoors at least in the cool hours of the day.  I just hacked my hair to bits.  I practically wanted it bald.  No more sexy do for you, or you…haha.  I have a very summer do and it is off of my neck which makes Beth a happy clam.  Yes, I said happy clam.  You want to start somethin’?  
    My roommate is making top rammen right now and she makes twice as much as me…(shaking head).  I say, c’ mon!  Spend $6  at the heritage fair at the ranch with your dad and look solemnly at your plate witout the beans that are included in the hamburger meal for $2 more…How could they do that?! Leave it to the new skills I have been aquiring as an ACTIVITY DIRECTOR finding out all of the food details beforehand and yet not seeing the plan actually in action.  I won’t be naming names, Ranger Bylin…. nobody can get all of the details perfect.  Not even ME. Wink
     Fun things to do before I die:  Have a pet (dog), do the Alcatraz Challenge, actually grow a tomato successfully,  do a triathalon relay, add more things to do before I die…
With much love,
beth
     
     

Posted by Breath in 00:04:44 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, November 26, 2007

artists

This site may be to promote some of the Bay Area’s local artists who sing and play music (guitar).

So here they are!   Justin McRoberts http://www.justinmcroberts.com
                              Sherri Youngward http://www.sherriyoungward.com/

and here is an artist who is in socal:

                              Hannah Ford http://www.hannahford.com/  

Posted by Breath in 23:32:22 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, July 29, 2007

“Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.” -Mary Kate Ash

An excerpt from Outreach International:

“In September 2000, the United Nations adopted the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) a list of eight global priorities to be accomplished by the year 2015 in order to make the world a more livable place for everyone. Goal number eight is to develop a global partnership for development. This means building links between people and institutions from all sectors of society in order to build a better world.”

Here are the goals of the United Nations: http://www.un.org/millenniumgoals/

“We will have time to reach the Millennium Development Goals – worldwide and in most, or even all, individual countries – but only if we break with business as usual.
We cannot win overnight. Success will require sustained action across the entire decade between now and the deadline. It takes time to train the teachers, nurses and engineers; to build the roads, schools and hospitals; to grow the small and large businesses able to create the jobs and income needed. So we must start now. And we must more than double global development assistance over the next few years. Nothing less will help to achieve
the Goals.”

United Nations Secretary-General

This is one of the main reasons I believe, support and love education. I have been discouraged, disappointed and bewildered at my own journey regarding involuntary or vouluntary poverty. I am tired of working all these jobs, I am spoiled and yearn for a life of ease. So what if I had to pay for my education. I am over it. Do you know who inspires me? These kids who want to be out of poverty. What does that look like? Learning to read and write, doing what you can…

Posted by Breath in 20:58:44 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, July 7, 2007

…”Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles he had overcome while trying to succeed”

Here is to say that you don’t suck at life, because there are obstacles to overcome.  There are challenges we face as human beings to be well…human.  Enter: God.  He fills, never destroys.  He validates… then solidifies (what has gone to mush such as a dream)  He melts that which has been hardened over.  He can (heal) and will do what he has promised. 

The idea of being used by God….I must say that he is fighting for me to want to be used for his pleasure.  Like a flower is not merely used, but enjoyed.  A relationship can be enjoyed through play.  I have been working with 4 year olds just diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder, I caught God’s vision from working on the “other” transition age going from school to a job, and the need for early intervention in the just being diagnosed with the disorder, wild huh??..Enter: Shadelands Preschool…If you aren’t familiar with the Autism disorder, if it is somewaht of an enigma to you, well it is, but here are some web definitions…

affects three crucial areas of development: communication, social interaction, and creative or imaginative play
 

form of pervasive developmental disorder with an unknown origin

A probably genetic condition in which a person is dis-associated from the reality around them

is a bioneurological disorder, not a mental illness, which affects the functioning of the brain

In other words, they are in their own world, they have no “filter”.   External stimuli is hitting at them all at once without any organization of where to connect with it all.  Some students hear everything and then repeat it in a sing songy voice, other see eveything , like the fan moving and can’t focus on anything else that is in front of them.

 I have been blessed to work at the preschool where 9 or so kids come through everyday, their ages are around 4 or 5.  There is a saying on a poster I read at teacher Phylis’s class, another class with kids with the same level  of development:  “Just because someone can’t speak doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say.”  I have learned the value of bonding, of attachment, of need to express desire, of order, of routine, and repitition, to complete the communication process.  There is always an exchange of information going on.  There is never a dull moment.  Keiko says she would make all the assistants not talk.  That was a huge problem these lst two weeks with a sub teacher coming in.  I got scratched up pretty bad from one of our students because the pace was dragging for these kiids who need structure.  Their minds cannot focus on one thing and when they can’t filter, they act out for attention.  One of those ways is screaming, the other kicking…natural progression of just not being up to their speed.  I am afraid to say that it is so hard to be in a classroom where there is this awakening of learning going on, and other times this heart breaking lack of support of missed opportunity…lack of planning, thought, or knowledge…ultimately passion, heart, or committment.  I think I am just tires, and a little disappointed that I see this stuff…I could probably be a catalyst for change, or just step back and let others learn the process that I see and move on from there.  I may be in the wrong field.  It is crazy how much I have seen in these kids, the social, the emotional journey in just 7 months.  A student who just played with one car, isolated in his own world…now interacting with his classmates, totally engaged in playful activities, just today was laying in the plastic pool, while another was pouring water on him, both laughing, I also said good-bye to him on the bus, his eyes fully on me, another one smiling and saying, “Good-bye”…sigh…those moments…utterly sweet.  There has been this intervention that has taken place, a history changing to how these children will be able to interact depite their diagnosis I feel.  I feel that the brain is so moldable anfd fresh at this age, that anything is possble to learn, despite their genetic inheritance!  I think God has just given me a glimpse of how he can heal, and how he knows us so radically, that we are so much alive, we can overcome obstacles.  These kids laugh at each other, make jokes to us and use our names…they sing at circle, they play tickle monster, they wait in line, and eat heartily their favorite subject in school: Lunch! 

I am thankful for this insight, and am thankful that one of our other teachers is coming back on Monday.  Whew! 

 God Bless all 

Posted by Breath in 08:00:27 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Ruth Graham, who passed away this week at the age of 87.

 

My heart goes out to the man who has done so much for God. 

Some interesting thoughts about life: taken from Relevant magazine, one of my favorite pieces of literature

 Writer, pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in his journal only a few weeks before being executed by the Nazis,

“I have seen an end to everything, but your way is very wide.” He believed that when we take the steps to do justice and peace, God’s way widens and leads us out of the present horror and hopelessness.

More from a different article, but just as good…

Loneliness plagues our culture and its effects can be seen all around us. Whenever we face the valley of loneliness, we often falter under the pressure. In a trying time, we often collapse under the stress and feel abandoned. Instead of being strong and staying disciplined, we often are influenced by our emotions and feelings. As an emotional tide seems to flood our hearts and minds, we often forget the simple truths that can rescue us and help bring healing to our lives.”

“We can also rely on God’s love and help to get us through. David went on to write in Psalm 42:8, “By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me?a prayer to the God of my life.” Even in the midst of loneliness and pain, God directs His love toward us. He gives us His peace and presence in the midst of turmoil and confusion. When our tears fall, and we have questions that don’t have answers, we can cling to Jesus who is faithful and true. “  

More… taken AGAIN from: 

The Paradox of Passion

The past year of my life has been pivotal, to say the least. I could fill space listing off all the things I’ve done, missed, failed, achieved…but that is quite honestly not the point. It’s not about me or what I think I know of life. It’s about the One who has so delicately woven together this existence (more so, this coexistence) called humanity. The lessons to be learned in His grand design are innumerable, so I hope to share one small piece of what He is saying.

Allow me to begin with a realization I had as I spoke with a good friend recently. In my recently completed college degree, the classes I worked hardest at ended up being the ones in which I received a B. It puzzled me for a while, even troubled and disheartened me. These are the milestone classes in my collegiate career. Shouldn’t I be getting an A every time? Shouldn’t I be excellent at what I’m passionate about? And that’s just it…passion does not automatically equal excellence. Passion is a volatile thing. (defined below)

Excellence is difficult to achieve. Being human makes the process messy. And we often learn a great lesson through trying and failing in some way or another than by trying and succeeding the first time. Though I worked countless hours and lost sleep over some of my passionate endeavors, it didn’t mean I received the grade or result I feel I earned.

Sometimes what God is trying to teach us is this: in the end, the grade (or whatever method of judgment is in place) is arbitrary. The experience gained and lessons learned are the true things of value. How many years did I spend troubling over a letter on a piece of paper to determine my progress? And how many times do I apply this same paradigm to my life outside of academia?

Life’s richest experiences are anything but cut and dry. There is no formula for how to do this thing called life. All we know is that we are to do it together. The Bible instructs us over and over again through the stories of ordinary people like Moses, Esther, Nehemiah and David. We see God’s glory and power displayed through the acts of the heroes of our Christian faith.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us of a cloud of witnesses that surrounds us as we run this race. We follow in a legacy of unspeakable power and grace. We were meant to follow through on God’s calling in our lives, even if it sometimes means going against the grain of our culture or taking a risk. The example we follow is that of paradox, faith, trust in God and so many other dynamics of this upside down Kingdom.

Too many days we are caught up in meeting an expectation—be it spoken or unspoken. In light of understanding my own passions and seeing how those who have gone before accomplished their callings, I must ask myself often what really drives me. Is it fear? Passion? Eternity? Faith? Many days it chalks up to approval, validation, success. But ultimately, I rest in the fact that God knows my heart. Beneath all the surface desires and distractions I battle each day, He sees my deeply rooted motivation. It is to know Him and be known by Him…and to bring others into the folds of His Kingdom.

 

Volatile: vol·a·tile (vŏlə-tl, -tīl’) pronunciation
adj.

  1. Chemistry.
    1. Evaporating readily at normal temperatures and pressures.
    2. That can be readily vaporized.
    3. Tending to vary often or widely, as in price: the ups and downs of volatile stocks.
    4. Inconstant; fickle: a flirt’s volatile affections.
    5. Lighthearted; flighty: in a volatile mood.
    6. Ephemeral; fleeting.
  2. Tending to violence; explosive: a volatile situation with troops and rioters eager for a confrontation.
  3. Flying or capable of flying; volant.

[French, from Old French, from Latin volātilis, flying, from volātus, past participle of volāre, to fly.]

Posted by Breath in 04:14:39 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, June 11, 2007

June 11, 2007

Hi peeps,
Good News!
     We have a roommate coming to move in today which is a huge blessing.  She is coming today!  She is an amazing chica, a physical therapist, who can only stay a couple months, then she is going to Kenya for a mission trip!  
    
     My garden is growing!  Snap peas, lettuce, zuccini, and squash!  I hopefully will be around to see the heirlooms grow. 
    
     I am learning that I can have permission to take a day out of the week to rest, called the Sabbath. God commanded us to not work.  Amen to that!  The book is The Rest of God  by Mark Buchannan.  It is what you have been missing! 
  
     I went River Rafting in Cache Creek last weekend!  It was a grueling 4 hours Saturday and 2 hours on Sunday.  I  love getting out there and floating down rivers, hanging out with quality folks, laughing so hard you have to pee.  We even camped and saw a baby rattler.  I got to guide Cari in a two person boat the second day,-so fun.  Paddle left side!  Paddle Cari, paddle!  Moment of silence as we run into yet another rock—  I learned that when you are rafting there are PADDLES and canoeing has OARS.  Everyone remember that so you can show off your knowledge skills when you go rafting. 
     I must say that if we had to do it all over, I would have gone with the south fork of the American with Calvary Temple (Chapel?)…much more prep training (they provide a guide for each raft) and more intimate setting.  Last weekend I thought I was being shipped to a containment camp, was told three reminders and left to figure it out on the river…We wrapped the raft the first corner of the river!  Mind you, there was a guide that came to our aide from the shore.  We also had Chris from Seven Pillars who was in charge.  I just think we needed more prayer for everyone to get warmed up and relaxed to all move as a unit, rather than people kind of telling others what to do… 
   
     I have gone at least three times before so I could roll with stuff.  I was pretty much worried about the 5 others who had no river rafting experience.  I had the feeling going into the trip about all of this, yet I didn’t really know what to do about it.  The American river though, man, (when I went last year) nothing like those canyon swims…the dark water, the cliff jumping…sigh… gotta do that again!
Prayer requests~
    
     I realize that being financially savvy (arr!) is a learned skill.  It may also be a gift bestowed from the heavenly realms. 
I don’t think I have this gift.
 
     This is a difficult time for me and I just ask for your prayers.  I may just be going through a time to start over, be wise, take risks, and really be resourceful.  I am determined.  I love to do a lot of  things but I also need a plan.  I have always stayed out of trouble when I was growing up.  I would just feel better about myself if I could be more financially independent.  I just want more of God. 

Thanks for reading friends!   Smile 
~Beth
Posted by Breath in 23:47:21 | Permalink | No Comments »

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello! 

Whether you have a large or small family it is a time to celebrate what the Lord has given.  I realize that this life is getting shorter and I want to be open to new relationships, a bigger life that God can only give.  If it was up to me I think I would want to be alone in the wilderness isolated from the world.  THANKFULLY God has picked me up and braught me to others to commune with and to learn from.  I love my shelter, Seven Pillars, and Concord Bible families.  It may be a time for me to be that pursuer, to love more, and as a friend would say “if at all else do it for yourself” regarding blessing others.

 I am thankful for:

Our team has raised 5k for all of our tickets!  We will be having a Benefit Concert on December 8th, 2006 at Valley Christian Church to believe God for 8k for ministry and travel expenses.  Thank you for all of your prayers.

People that know me better than myself, believe in me, and ENCOURAGE me, despite my feeling of lack of self-worth. I only ask for God to keep showing me himself and to live fully in him.

Pray that I can be bold in my giftings, especially intercession, teaching, or playing guitar…

Posted by Breath in 21:02:26 | Permalink | Comments (1) »